When I’m not carpooling with Wes Moore, I listen to KISS-FM on the way to work in the mornings.  I get a kick from Kidd Kraddick and his buddies.  Last week he asked female listeners to list all the things they do in the morning before they leave the house – his theory is that women do a lot more stuff than men do to get ready for work.  So I was inspired to pay attention and make my own list.  Once I’m finally awake enough to decide to get up, here’s what goes on in my daily routine:

1. stumble to the bathroom – potty
2. get a drink of water from the sink
3. check the tub for bugs – kill ’em & throw away the carcasses
4. start the water in the tub
5. get another drink of water
6. once the water’s warm enough, get in, and turn on the shower
7. scrub body with frou-frou body wash and spongy thingy
8. scrub face with face soap
9. wash hair – this takes a long time because I’m so OCD – I have to make sure I’ve thoroughly washed every hair
10. rinse hair – this takes a long time because my hair is so thick
11. condition hair
12. rinse hair – takes a long time – see # 10
13. turn shower off, dry hair, make towel turban, dry body
14. brush teeth, still wearing turban
15. turn on the bedroom TV for weather & traffic and to make sure the world is still turning
16. put on deodorant, still wearing turban
17. put on underwear, still working the turban!
18. pull turban back just enough to dry ears with Q-tips
19. take the turban off, brush out hair
20. blow-dry hair, which takes a long time (see #10 above) NOTE: this is where I diverge from most women, because I don’t like to use “products” on my hair – no mousse, no gel, no hairspray.  I just can’t stand to touch my hair and feel stuff in it, plus I think it makes it get dirty faster.  Again, this is probably the OCD in action.  Also, I’m really lucky, because my hair is thick and straight, and I have a good cut.  So I don’t have to deal with curling irons or hot rollers or flat irons.  I just blow-dry and fluff it up with my fingers and that’s it.  I’m very grateful, because I just don’t have the patience to go through all that.
21. spend time with the super magnifying mirror, checking for random hairs that must be eliminated (this is what happens when you get old…)
22. put on makeup – base, powder, blush, eye shadow, eye highlighter, mascara
23. stand in closet hating all my clothes and trying to remember what I wore yesterday so I don’t repeat
24. settle for something and get dressed
25. rummage around in my jewelry box to find two earrings that match my clothes and each other (much harder than it sounds)
26. kick through the shoes in the bottom of my closet to find a pair that match my clothes and each other (not as hard because I don’t have that many shoes – unlike my daughter, the shoe queen)
27. get one more drink from the bathroom sink, check the mirror (yuck), turn off all the lights & TV
28. stumble through the dark to the kitchen, turn on kitchen light
29. pack lunch, in this order: freezer – Lean Cuisine (whichever one is on top of the stack); fridge – can of Diet Coke (for breakfast in the car), pudding cup, yogurt; pantry – breakfast bar, little bag of chips
30. grab purse, laptop, bookbag, lunchbag
31. turn off lights, stumble to the garage door, leave the house

The reason I mention the towel turban is because Kidd Kraddick makes such a big deal of it all the time.  He says (but I’ve heard other people – comedians and TV personalities – say the same thing) that only women can make towel turbans.  He says men don’t have that ability.  It’s not that hard to do, but I guess it does take a bit of practice.  The whole point of the towel turban is two-fold: 1) it keeps your hair from dripping on you while you dry the rest of your body; and 2) it keeps your hair damp until you have time to blow-dry it properly.  Most men don’t have enough hair (for one reason or another) to worry about it dripping on them, or to worry about the blow-dry problem.  I’m sure if they really had a need for this skill, they could develop it, given time and practice.

So – thirty-one things I do everyday, between 5:15 and 6:45 (if all goes well and I don’t sleep through several snooze alarm cycles).  I wonder if that’s about average, or if it’s less or more than most women.  My hunch is that it is less, because I think some women spend a lot more time with hair products, skin products like moisturizers, and picking out their clothes and accessories.  That would explain why they look better, younger, and more put-together than I do!  🙂  But I’m NOT a morning person, and this is about all I can manage.  Is it more than most men?  Probably, unless they’re very metro-sexual.  I sometimes wish I could work from home – just stumble out of bed, make a pot of coffee, and start working.  But I’m probably better off being forced into a routine. 

What do you think?  Is this more, less, or about the same as most women’s or men’s routines?