When I’m not carpooling with Wes Moore, I listen to KISS-FM on the way to work in the mornings. I get a kick from Kidd Kraddick and his buddies. Last week he asked female listeners to list all the things they do in the morning before they leave the house – his theory is that women do a lot more stuff than men do to get ready for work. So I was inspired to pay attention and make my own list. Once I’m finally awake enough to decide to get up, here’s what goes on in my daily routine:
- stumble to the bathroom – potty
- get a drink of water from the sink
- check the tub for bugs – kill ’em & throw away the carcasses
- start the water in the tub
- get another drink of water
- once the water’s warm enough, get in, and turn on the shower
- scrub body with frou-frou body wash and spongy thingy
- scrub face with face soap
- wash hair – this takes a long time because I’m so OCD – I have to make sure I’ve thoroughly washed every hair
- rinse hair – this takes a long time because my hair is so thick
- condition hair
- rinse hair – takes a long time – see # 10
- turn shower off, dry hair, make towel turban, dry body
- brush teeth, still wearing turban
- turn on the bedroom TV for weather & traffic and to make sure the world is still turning
- put on deodorant, still wearing turban
- put on underwear, still working the turban!
- pull turban back just enough to dry ears with Q-tips
- take the turban off, brush out hair
- blow-dry hair, which takes a long time (see #10 above) NOTE: this is where I diverge from most women, because I don’t like to use “products” on my hair – no mousse, no gel, no hairspray. I just can’t stand to touch my hair and feel stuff in it, plus I think it makes it get dirty faster. Again, this is probably the OCD in action. Also, I’m really lucky, because my hair is thick and straight, and I have a good cut. So I don’t have to deal with curling irons or hot rollers or flat irons. I just blow-dry and fluff it up with my fingers and that’s it. I’m very grateful, because I just don’t have the patience to go through all that.
- spend time with the super magnifying mirror, checking for random hairs that must be eliminated (this is what happens when you get old…)
- put on makeup – base, powder, blush, eye shadow, eye highlighter, mascara
- stand in closet hating all my clothes and trying to remember what I wore yesterday so I don’t repeat
- settle for something and get dressed
- rummage around in my jewelry box to find two earrings that match my clothes and each other (much harder than it sounds)
- kick through the shoes in the bottom of my closet to find a pair that match my clothes and each other (not as hard because I don’t have that many shoes – unlike my daughter, the shoe queen)
- get one more drink from the bathroom sink, check the mirror (yuck), turn off all the lights & TV
- stumble through the dark to the kitchen, turn on kitchen light
- pack lunch, in this order: freezer – Lean Cuisine (whichever one is on top of the stack); fridge – can of Diet Coke (for breakfast in the car), pudding cup, yogurt; pantry – breakfast bar, little bag of chips
- grab purse, laptop, bookbag, lunchbag
- turn off lights, stumble to the garage door, leave the house
The reason I mention the towel turban is because Kidd Kraddick makes such a big deal of it all the time. He says (but I’ve heard other people – comedians and TV personalities – say the same thing) that only women can make towel turbans. He says men don’t have that ability. It’s not that hard to do, but I guess it does take a bit of practice. The whole point of the towel turban is two-fold: 1) it keeps your hair from dripping on you while you dry the rest of your body; and 2) it keeps your hair damp until you have time to blow-dry it properly. Most men don’t have enough hair (for one reason or another) to worry about it dripping on them, or to worry about the blow-dry problem. I’m sure if they really had a need for this skill, they could develop it, given time and practice.
So – thirty-one things I do everyday, between 5:15 and 6:45 (if all goes well and I don’t sleep through several snooze alarm cycles). I wonder if that’s about average, or if it’s less or more than most women. My hunch is that it is less, because I think some women spend a lot more time with hair products, skin products like moisturizers, and picking out their clothes and accessories. That would explain why they look better, younger, and more put-together than I do! 🙂 But I’m NOT a morning person, and this is about all I can manage. Is it more than most men? Probably, unless they’re very metro-sexual. I sometimes wish I could work from home – just stumble out of bed, make a pot of coffee, and start working. But I’m probably better off being forced into a routine.
What do you think? Is this more, less, or about the same as most women’s or men’s routines?